Off The Data Provided

The Quiet Grief of Adult Friendship: Why Friends Fade and How to Fight Back

In this weeks episode, Dr. Shepard explores The Times of India piece, "The Quiet Grief of Adult Friendship," (https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/civil-irony/the-quiet-grief-of-adult-friendship/) and examines why friendships often dissipate in adulthood. He introduces his concept of "amienship," discusses how social media and smartphones encourage voyeuristic, low-investment connections, and explains his friendship formula: investment, emotional closeness, trust, and support.
 
The episode offers practical advice for maintaining and deepening adult friendships: put phones away to be present, make concrete plans and follow up, schedule recurring check-ins, prioritize shared activities even when inconvenient, and balance effort when relationships feel lopsided. Dr. Shepard also covers long-distance strategies like rotating visits and planned calls to preserve intimacy across time zones.
 
The episode closes with another Ask Dr. Shepard segment responding to a student worried about keeping class friendships after the semester, with step-by-step suggestions: reach out directly, aim for an in-person or phone conversation, set concrete plans while together, and use calendars and reminders to create routine. Overall, the episode emphasizes intentionality and consistent investment as the keys to sustaining adult friendships.

From Child to Co-Adult: Resetting Boundaries with Your Parents

In this episode Dr. Marcus C. Shepard explores the launching and post‑launching stages of the family life cycle and offers a practical framework for renegotiating relationships between grown children and their parents.
Dr. Shepard reviews family communication patterns (consensual, pluralistic, protective, laissez‑faire) and explains how a boundary‑resetting conversation can move families from old roles into healthier, more equal interactions.
Dr. Shepard shares examples from his own life—how a clear conversation about expectations, giving grace, and concrete rules (like asking before changing the thermostat) reduced conflict, strengthened ties, and emphasizes removing assumptions, being present, and aiming for win‑win solutions.
Practical tips include scheduling focused time, putting phones away, identifying negotiables and non‑negotiables, using hypotheticals to set expectations, and revisiting the conversation as needed to adapt to ongoing life changes.

Ten Days to Real Friendship: Practical Steps for Making Friends as Adults

In this week's episode of Off The Data Provided, Dr. Marcus C. Shepard revisits Kat Vellos’s book "We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships" and explores why making and keeping friendships in adulthood is so hard right now.
Dr. Shepard highlights the loneliness epidemic (quoting the former U.S. Surgeon General about its health impact) and how smartphones, social media, busyness, and life changes make us “alone together. The episode breaks down the book’s core “seeds of connection”: proximity (being nearby), frequency (repeated contact), comparability (compatibility/harmony), and commitment (showing up). He also mentions the common finding that it typically takes around 200 hours to turn an acquaintance into a close friend.
Vellos’s practical approaches, which include a Friendship Incubator idea and a hypothesis that ten consecutive days of quality time can rapidly deepen a bond are  discussed as a way to accelerate closeness. In addition to Vellos's idea, actionable tips in the episode include moving online connections offline, using local places (libraries, gyms, classes) to meet people, creating routines like weekly TV nights or pizza Fridays, guarding against perpetual busyness, and setting boundaries around phone use to be more present.
Dr. Shepard also covers warning signs and relationship dynamics to watch for: unequal effort in friendships (the “fat friend” pattern), the rise of amienships (people you follow but don’t invest in), and the need to call out or exit one-sided relationships.
This episode is a clear, practical overview for anyone struggling to build adult friendships and recommends Kat Vellos’s book as a helpful resource to cultivate more meaningful, lasting connections.

The Soulmate Trap: Why ‘The One’ Can Undermine Love

**Sorry for the delay, my hosting site was having technical issues for over a day**
On this week's episode, Dr. Marcus C. Shepard examines a new Institute for Family Studies article that challenges the soulmate script and explains how social media, dating apps, and AI can distort expectations about romantic relationships (https://ifstudies.org/blog/rethinking-the-one-how-the-soulmate-script-distorts-romance) 
The episode contrasts ‘soulmate’ thinking (destiny beliefs) with a growth mindset, describes the illusion of perspective created by abundant choices, and explains why lasting partnerships require investment, commitment, self-expansion, and balancing novelty with predictability.
Research discussed shows growth beliefs predict steadier satisfaction over time, while destiny beliefs encourage quick judgments and relationship instability.
Dr. Shepard also offers practical advice in Ask Dr. Shepard on maintaining close friendships as an adult: schedule check-ins, use asynchronous communication creatively, plan shared activities, and make consistent investments of time and attention.

Delayed Adulthood: Dating, Work, and Manhood

In this week's episode, Dr.  Marcus C. Shepard breaks down the Institute for Family Studies' 2025 survey (https://ifstudies.org/report-brief/americas-demoralized-men-part-1) of over 2,000 young men (ages 18–29), exploring how definitions of adulthood are changing and how economic and educational shifts are reshaping life milestones.
The episode covers major findings on how many young men delay traditional markers like full-time work and formal education, most remain open to dating and want marriage/children, college ambivalence, and surprising role model results (parents and teachers outrank online influencers). It also highlights that young men largely associate manhood with responsibility and sacrifice rather than extremist "manosphere" views.
Dr. Shepard ties the data to interpersonal communication implications—how subjective adulthood criteria create confusion, how financial insecurity delays relationship milestones, and why clear communication and defined personal metrics matter.
The episode closes with an Ask Dr. Shepard segment offering practical advice to a listener torn between an ex who wants to reconnect and someone they are currently dating.

Protect, Partner, and Politics: What Gen Z Looks for in Love

In this episide, Dr. Shepard examines a recent Institute for Family Studies/YouGov survey (https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-one-role-gen-z-women-still-want-men-to-play) of 18–29-year-olds about dating and gender roles. The episode summarizes key findings showing that most Gen Z men and women prefer egalitarian dating arrangements, which include sharing date costs and household responsibilities, while still broadly agreeing that men should play a protective role.
Dr. Shepard highlights ideological differences: liberal young adults are less likely to endorse traditional roles, and liberal women are most likely to value shared political views. The episode also discusses what qualities Gen Z prioritizes in partners and the gender gaps on some items.
Dr. Shepard also explores the meaning of "protection" and urges listeners to consider the cultural systems that make protection necessary, encouraging efforts to change harmful norms. He advises early conversations about big topics like children, work, and public health to ensure long-term compatibility.
The show closes with an Ask Dr. Shepard segment about whether disliking a partner's friends is a red flag, recommending clear boundaries, honest conversations, and trust-building while recognizing that different relationship cultures work for different couples.

Dating Recession: Why Young Adults Aren’t Dating (But Want To)

In this latest episode, Dr. Shepard breaks down the Institute for Family Studies' national survey of 5,275 unmarried young adults (ages 22–35) and shares what the data reveals about today’s dating landscape. The episode highlights key findings: 86% of young adults expect marriage but only about one-third are actively dating. Major barriers include finances, low self-confidence, and negative past experiences, while most men and women still prefer dating cultures focused on serious relationships and emotional connection.
Dr. Shepard explains how weak interpersonal skills, app-driven consumerism (rosters and endless swiping), and lack of real-world dating practice contribute to the problem, and he offers practical advice: build communication and emotional skills, be intentional (focus on one person at a time), set non-negotiables, try low-cost or free dates, role-play to reduce anxiety, and work on self-confidence.
The episode closes with action steps listeners can use to improve their dating experience and navigate the modern “dating recession.”

Dunbar’s Number: Why 150 People Fit In Our Social Brain

On this episode, Dr. Shepard explores Dunbar’s Number, the idea that humans can meaningfully maintain about 150 social relationships. Drawing from Robin Dunbar’s book "How Many Friends Does One Person Need?," Dr. Shepard explains the social intelligence hypothesis that links neocortex size to social-group limits, breaks down the layered structure of relationships (from 3–5 closest friends to 1,500 recognizable faces), and describes how frequency and intimacy shape each circle.
 
The episode also examines how gossip expands social knowledge, how social media and smartphones change our sense of community and parasocial ties, and the friendship formula (investment, emotional closeness, trust, support) for building deep connections. Dr. Shepard shares personal anecdotes about community, presence, and how phones affect conversation depth, and offers practical advice on moving online acquaintances offline to develop real friendships. He ends with reflections on choosing where to invest your time and the unique, uncodified nature of friendship.

Left on Read: Ghosting, Orbiting & Breadcrumbing Explained

In this episode Dr. Marcus C. Shepard breaks down three internet era relationship behaviors: ghosting, orbiting, and breadcrumbing through what they mean, why they’ve become common, and how they affect both romantic and platonic connections.
Ghosting is the sudden withdrawal of communication without explanation; orbiting is staying digitally connected (likes, story views, occasional DMs) without real contact; breadcrumbing is giving minimal, inconsistent attention to keep someone hopeful without genuine investment. Dr. Shepard explains these behaviors are usually unethical and ineffective except in cases like abuse where cutting contact is necessary.
The episode uses real examples and research based reasons people ghost ranging from lack of interest, to timing, and attachment styles. Shepard also describes how orbiting and breadcrumbing create mixed signals, false hope, and emotional confusion.
In the Ask Dr. Shepard segment, a new student asks how to make friends at the start of a semester. Practical tips include arriving early to class for casual “social snacking,” using group projects to build rapport, inviting classmates to meet outside of class to move beyond the classmate role, and joining campus clubs or student groups to meet people with shared interests.
Overall, the episode encourages accountability and clearer communication online and offline, offering both definitions and actionable advice to foster healthier interpersonal connections.

From Fubbing to Full Presence: Reclaiming Conversation in the Digital Age

In this episode Dr. Marcus C. Shepard walks through Sherry Turkle’s "Reclaiming Conversation" and explores how smartphones and social media shift us from deep, face-to-face conversations to mere, shallow connections. He highlights terms like fubbing, whole-person conversation, solitude, punctuation in texting, maximizers vs. satisficers, multitasking vs. unitasking, intellectual serendipity, and weak vs. strong ties to explain why presence matters for empathy, creativity, and community.
Dr. Shepard shares personal examples—holiday gatherings, hosting friends, and classroom observations—to show how putting phones away fosters intimacy and meaningful dialogue. He discusses how technology creates an illusion of companionship, undermines solitude and self-reflection, encourages performative self-presentation, and changes expectations in dating and conflict.
The episode closes with practical takeaways inspired by the book: slow down, schedule solitude, create phone-free sacred spaces for conversation, practice unitasking, welcome difficult dialogues, avoid all-or-nothing thinking about technology, and remember that speaking and listening are skills that can be improved. These steps help reclaim conversation and build deeper community in an increasingly connected world.